Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964) review
I like pulp. I have a high capacity for sense-making. If a piece of media is cool or interesting enough, then I am generally not bothered about the details. This, of course, depends. Some narratives are incredibly coherent and well-thought out, making them fun to consider. Others are not.
At my core, I am a doylist. More often than not, the most compelling answer to »Why did X character do Y« is simply »Because otherwise the story does not make any sense«. For some this is a dealbreaker — an irrevocable snap of their suspension of disbelief. I am sympathetic, but I guess I am just built differently. If the core appeal of something is looking cool, I can completely detach myself from the in-universe explanations and focus on the cool-factor.
I would attribute this to growing up on foreign media — video games and comics. But I am honestly not sure. Do poems make sense? Surely not, beyond the emotion they evoke. But is that not just another form of sense-making? Being able to grab hold of the unformed creative mass of a work and shape it into something that makes sense to you — to me that has always been the most powerful way to engage with a piece.
My girlfriend joined us for one of our watch sessions where we saw the two next Godzilla movies. She had never seen any of them. I reassured her that one of them would be »one of the good ones«, and that the other would be »a real stinker«. On our way home she cautiously stated that she could not tell the difference.
Sometimes it is great to see something you are familiar with together with someone who is not. You get to experience it through their eyes. And at that moment I could kinda see that while I love Invasion of the Astro-Monster (1965) it is not fundamentally different from the schlock that is Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966). The real difference is that the former lights my imagination while the latter douses it. It is not the acting, the narrative or the sets. The difference is the creative vision — which is altogether a much more ethereal thing to get a grasp on.
I consider myself a homegrown Godzilla fan. I have watched all the movies — multiple times even. But I have little exposure to the wider fan community. I am not even sure whether there is a singular community or whether I am just presuming based on my limited contact. One of the reasons why I have not sought out my peers is because I am staggered by their bad opinions. Yes, yes — I too am a curmudgeon who cannot let go of my thoughts on Godzilla movies. Surprise, Surprise.
Apparently, so-called Godzilla fans love Ghidorah, the Three-headed Monster (1964). It is the quintessential Showa era monster mash-up. To me it is the herald of the worst of the worst when it comes to Godzilla. The plot is flimsy, the monsters silly and altogether it just does not work as a movie.
The hook for the narrative revolves around a foreign princess who goes missing. There is an unexplained plot against her life, complicated by the fact that she seems to be possessed by an ancient Jovian entity. The princess warns the people of Earth that her home planet was destroyed by an inter-galactic monster — the titular three-headed dragon, King Ghidorah.
I do not have a problem with King Ghidorah itself. The monster is cool enough and is a fitting escalation for Godzilla. The big lizard has thrown down with the best the Earth has got. Seems fitting the next matchup would be from beyond the stars. My issue is more with the tonal shift.
The conception of Godzilla sprang from the well of speculative science fiction. The premise was »what if this real life thing had unintended consequences?« Some of the weirder and non-scientific elements I can write up as new ageism. But to me, this movie crosses the line over to complete sci-fi schlock. I do not mind pulp, but the elements in Ghidorah simply do not coalesce into anything worth engaging with.
The plot with the star-possessed princess goes nowhere. For all the screentime dedicated to her plotline, its relevancy can be summed up as warns the Mothra-fairies → Mothra recruits Godzilla and pals to fight Ghidorah. While other Godzilla plots were also simple, there always were some core themes or messaging you could engage with. The rise of new technology, the exploitation of nature, the innocence and guilt of mankind.
Okay, but who cares about the plot in a Godzilla movie? We are here for the monsters. Yeah well, it sucks. There is no gravitas, no weight to the battles. The cool thing about giant monsters is primarily that they are giant. Here they play tennis with styrofoam rocks. It is just not cool.
And so there really is not much else to say about Ghidorah, the Three-headed Monster. It is a movie solely concerned with its four-way matchup, but the fight itself sucks. And that is the crux of the matter for me. I can disregard otherwise flimsy plots if there is at least something to grasp hold on. And I can look past bad visual effects and choreographies if the action is at least cool. But there is simply neither at display here.
It is not just a bad movie, but a bad Godzilla movie. Why? Because it does not light my imagination.
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